FYI

I’ve removed some blogs/essays from here and will be including them in Nexion zine.

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Nexion Zine 4.1

NZ41

Nexion Zine 4.1 is out and has been uploaded to archive.org.

Here’s the link: Nexion Zine 4.1

I’d like to thank everybody who sent their condolences regarding my cousin’s death. It’s honestly appreciated. I’m sorry I haven’t replied to some of your emails. I will soon. I haven’t been online since October. I wasn’t really in the mood. I’m doing well now.

I included a few pictures of Tiff’s funeral in this issue.  It’s just a few pix of some of my notable family members whom I often write about. I’m somewhere in one of the pictures somewhere. 2017 is the 4th year of Nexion zine.

I’ll be back after Christmas. You guys have a happy holiday season!

 

Watching Graphs

I like graphs. I’ve been watching graphs slowly move up and down for 10 years now [I’ve had other wordpresses in the past]. To me it’s fun to watch. I’m mostly familiar with the WordPress graph we see in our stats page. I find the graphs to be interesting. Mondays seems to be the day of the week I get the most hits for whatever reason, usually.

graph3

When I’m not working or hanging out or writing, I stare at a different kind of graph. The graphs are properly called ‘candlestick charts’.

I’m teaching myself how to trade [stocks and so on]. I mainly trade foreign currency. Those are the two thing I like to do: write and trade. I’m still an amateur at trading. Only been practicing [with real money] for a year and a half, I think.

graph2

Graphs can get sophisticated, packed full of information.

In the old days, I used to study my WordPress graphs, to see what days got the most hits and why, and what type of thing I wrote that day. From what information I collected, I’d learn to write/craft essays that my audience liked to read. The reader is King, as they say.

With sophisticated foreign currency graphs you get a huge amount of information. You’re brain gets used to processing that information into stuff your mind can understand.

You end up learning that the rise and fall of the value of money isn’t chaotic or random. It’s almost predictable… almost. I wouldn’t use the word “predict” because that’s a dangerous mentality to get into with trading. I would use the word “empath.”

You can empath the most probable Trend of the market. Meaning the most likely direction the value of the money will be probabilistically taking.

For instance, in the above graph/chart of the British Pound vs the US Dollar, the current Trend is a Drop; it’s going down; the US Dollar is kicking the British Pound’s ass. But in a few days, the Trend will reverse. And so as a Trend-Surfer [which is how I trade], you’d wait for those points of trend reversals, and wait for the appropriate signs and signals that confirm such, then you jump in the market and buy/sell some currency.

It’s like this feedback loop of evolution, where your environment influenced your development. With WordPress – over the past 10 years – the stats graph I watch have actually influenced my style of writing, how I articulate my essays, and so on. Now, as I’m teaching myself how to write fiction, I see the same process of development, where the graph is influencing me to adapt to how I write stories. It’s like a dance, where you the Writer dance with the Reader/Audience, and together that dance helps you evolve.

With trading, the graphs/charts helps you evolve in a different way: it sharpens your skills, where you learn from your mistakes, because every mistake you make is real money lost.

I love graphs. I don’t know why. They’re fun to watch. Representations of pure information. I’ve always been a sponge for pure information. I love the process of your brain having to interpret and process that information into something understandable to the conscious mind. It’s like Sparring…

And with that skill of being able to process pure information, you can then watch the World, and read Nature like a book of Graphs and Data Points and Patterns… then process all that pure information into philosophical concepts/insights. Which is what Natural Philosophy is. And I love Natural Philosophy. It is the foundation of both Science & Buddhism.

 

My Voice

During 2016 I had this little idea that I would make a video recording of my voice sometime in 2017 to celebrate my having been around for 10 years writing stuff.

It was just a tiny idea I had at first, which I was very reluctant to follow up on, out of fear that making such a video – to let my audience hear my actual voice, and what I sound like when I talk – would harm my mystique and “mythos.”

I’m using the word “mythos” very loosely here, to point at the mental or imagined “Chloe” that people who have read my essays have created for themselves in their own minds.

So, I didn’t tell anybody about that little idea I had, and I wasn’t going to do it. I just didn’t want to potentially harm my “mythos,” at the time.

But, oddly, and wyrdfully, when 2017 came around, one by one I would get these associates, friends, and penpals I know who would – out of nowhere – ask me about my voice, how I talk, what I sound like.

A couple of my friends/penpals even asked me to give them a recording of my voice so they can at least have a voice to put with all my writings.

And so I promised these handful of people that I’d make a video recording of me talking “sometime this year.” I was going to put it off, like forever.

I’m a genuine believer in Providence [the Living Cosmos]. It’s not a belief. It’s a knowing based on what I have experienced and what I have seen of Life. But my personal belief is that Providence is Formless. And being Formless, it interacts and communicates with each of us through others and through Nature.

And so, I believe that when people out of nowhere wyrdfully say things to you about a topic or subject matter you have been contemplating on secretly or privately, that Providence is Speaking through them to you.

I obediently follow the nudges of Providence; as I have been for these past 10 years. It’s never failed me.

The most recent associate who randomly – out of nowhere –  brought up my voice; saying that he’s never even heard it; was Beast Xeno: just a few days ago! I took BX’s wyrdful mention of hearing my voice to be a nudge from Providence telling me: “Well… do it!”

So, as I promised, I did make a short video recording of me talking. It’s short. I might make more randomly, if or when I think of something to say. But I don’t want to spread myself out too thin and make it a habit. I want to focus myself on writing essays and stories. I don’t want to do podcasts or have a youtube channel.

But I seriously doubt anybody out there is remotely interested in hearing me talk a second time. Besides, it makes me feel insane and uneasy talking to myself out loud all by myself like that.

A few associates have told me – correctly so – that one can learn a lot of revealing things about a person by hearing their voice and listening to how they talk normally. Agreed.

I’m actually not a mean person by nature. But my mood influences how I write often. And so, if I feel moody or angry, I write in a very assertive and aggressive way. But such writings are born from emotional agitation. I’m not a mean person at all. And I’m not aggressive or tough either, in the butch or bull-dike way.

At any rate. The voice video is over at my tumblr: HERE. It sounds better with headphones or earbuds.

 

 

Temples

 

forgotten…

dilapidated…

unwanted…

unneeded…

i was once used…

to shelter a people…

wherein they went about their business…

from which they built their cities…

and expanded their civilizations away from me…

they have gone their way…

having fallen…

what lives i once housed…

what minds once beheld me…

are lost now in time…

yet i remain…

a shelter to phantoms and memories…

evocative…

provocative…

dark…

haunting…

more alive then i was to them…

these damp walls…

my earthly sent…

my crawling darkness…

my cold silence…

wherein your thoughts and fears echo…

here, in me is your atonement…

atonement with Living Darkness…

let then burn, your myrrh and incense of mars…

and take your place among the shadows.

– Chloe 352 [for Audun, 120yf]