My Voice

During 2016 I had this little idea that I would make a video recording of my voice sometime in 2017 to celebrate my having been around for 10 years writing stuff.

It was just a tiny idea I had at first, which I was very reluctant to follow up on, out of fear that making such a video – to let my audience hear my actual voice, and what I sound like when I talk – would harm my mystique and “mythos.”

I’m using the word “mythos” very loosely here, to point at the mental or imagined “Chloe” that people who have read my essays have created for themselves in their own minds.

So, I didn’t tell anybody about that little idea I had, and I wasn’t going to do it. I just didn’t want to potentially harm my “mythos,” at the time.

But, oddly, and wyrdfully, when 2017 came around, one by one I would get these associates, friends, and penpals I know who would – out of nowhere – ask me about my voice, how I talk, what I sound like.

A couple of my friends/penpals even asked me to give them a recording of my voice so they can at least have a voice to put with all my writings.

And so I promised these handful of people that I’d make a video recording of me talking “sometime this year.” I was going to put it off, like forever.

I’m a genuine believer in Providence [the Living Cosmos]. It’s not a belief. It’s a knowing based on what I have experienced and what I have seen of Life. But my personal belief is that Providence is Formless. And being Formless, it interacts and communicates with each of us through others and through Nature.

And so, I believe that when people out of nowhere wyrdfully say things to you about a topic or subject matter you have been contemplating on secretly or privately, that Providence is Speaking through them to you.

I obediently follow the nudges of Providence; as I have been for these past 10 years. It’s never failed me.

The most recent associate who randomly – out of nowhere –  brought up my voice; saying that he’s never even heard it; was Beast Xeno: just a few days ago! I took BX’s wyrdful mention of hearing my voice to be a nudge from Providence telling me: “Well… do it!”

So, as I promised, I did make a short video recording of me talking. It’s short. I might make more randomly, if or when I think of something to say. But I don’t want to spread myself out too thin and make it a habit. I want to focus myself on writing essays and stories. I don’t want to do podcasts or have a youtube channel.

But I seriously doubt anybody out there is remotely interested in hearing me talk a second time. Besides, it makes me feel insane and uneasy talking to myself out loud all by myself like that.

A few associates have told me – correctly so – that one can learn a lot of revealing things about a person by hearing their voice and listening to how they talk normally. Agreed.

I’m actually not a mean person by nature. But my mood influences how I write often. And so, if I feel moody or angry, I write in a very assertive and aggressive way. But such writings are born from emotional agitation. I’m not a mean person at all. And I’m not aggressive or tough either, in the butch or bull-dike way.

At any rate. The voice video is over at my tumblr: HERE. It sounds better with headphones or earbuds.

 

 

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2 thoughts on “My Voice

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  1. I don’t think after 10 years of building your “mythos”, adding your voice, will do anything but add to the veiled nature of the who is “Chloe352” question. In truth it, it simply opens it up to more intrigue. I’ll be interested to see what new ‘theories’ surface. A plethora of new questions of what is fact or fiction, will now take hold of your fans and foes alike.

    Personally, I find it curious that there is a synchronicity in your ‘belief’ and interaction with “the Living Cosmos” and my own. From my perspective, it is not a ‘belief’ at all, it is a connection to something I can barely fathom. Yet still, I have a better grasp of its nature than most. Sounds so strange to say such a thing. To understand better than most, something I can barely wrap my head around. This is what I’m talking about when I point to the A:O. It has never steered me wrong. One could try to reduce it to a ‘gut instinct’ or the subconscious mind taking the form of a hunch, but I think you (like myself) would strongly disagree with that.

    That’s a conversation for another day. I guess I’ll close by saying I’m really enjoying the new shape this blog is taking. Even the aesthetics are really working for this. You are a very talented writer. That you are now tapping the artistic currents of writing will only deepen the essence of “Chloe 352”. My brother once told me (and I’ve found it to be true), “True talent is unearthed by practice; you will draw a thousand bad pictures, before you produce one that is good”.

    -BX

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi BX!

      Thank your for the compliment BX 🙂 It took 10 years of hard work to be able to write like I now do. It was worth it.

      “My brother once told me (and I’ve found it to be true), “True talent is unearthed by practice; you will draw a thousand bad pictures, before you produce one that is good”.”

      ^THIS^

      Thanks for relaying your brother’s quote! It was topical and inspiring!! After reading what your brother said, I actually look forward to writing 1000 bad stories, just to get to #1001!

      Looks like we understand Providence/A:O/Living-Cosmos in the same way 🙂 You’re right, I disagree with the reductionistic view of it. It’s not a gut instinct or the subconscious mind. It’s something much bigger and pervasive. I know it to be so, and I know you do too.

      Yeah, I changed this wordpress around a bit. I finally discovered how to use Categories correctly! Now, with my categories organized, I can concentrate most of my writings – fiction, blogs, or whatever – here. I’m trying to not spread myself out thin. I’ll reserve the tumblr for hosting future voice videos, etc 🙂

      Looks like I can still preserve my anonymity and most of my mystique even with my voice video! I was a little worried about maybe some people having a mental caricature of me being some tough butch Asian-Amazonian: their image of me would have been shattered.

      I was also worried that some people might hear me talk and think I talk retarded 🙂 I didn’t realize I said the word “like” so many times in under a minute’s worth of talking until you told me that I “sound very SoCal” lol. The secret thing about me writing is that I can delete all those filler words; when I talk, they all just come out in my speech automatically. Plus written text doesn’t express a person’s speech patterns 🙂

      ~C

      Like

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